The Reckoning

"...and you can have it all, my empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt.
If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find a way" 

                                                                                                                                   ~  Johnny Cash
So here I am in the week of my personal reckoning!
My entire future appears to be mapped out, dependent on decisions received concerning my health, my finances, and personal life in my persuit on my spiritual journey to find a home.

On Monday February 21st I visited St.Richards hospital in Chichester for a full examination to finally attempt to find out what's been causing my illness since last November.
I received the standard gastroscopy exam as expected, but due to some discovered damage in my stomach I also had a biopsy to see what's wrong. Unfortunately, I won't get any results until the end of the week.
There is still excess acid being produced by my stomach, which is travelling back up my oesophagus causing the lining of my chest walls to scar, but hopefully the continual medication that I can now resume taking will control this, or at least keep the condition in check. The whole process has left me rather delicate and sore, and I feel so tired...too tired to actually sleep, but I feel that if I could nod off I'll be able to sleep for a week!

The letter from The Financial Ombudsman Service arrived as expected, and they sided with my old bank.They did however admit certain liabilities and compensation is to be awarded, but this is rather insignificant as it just gets eaten up by the exsisting debts.
I immediately contacted an independent debt relief agency, and they proved exceptionally helpful.
They advised me that the best course of action in my specific circumstances is to request an Independent Voluntery Arrangement (IVA), rather than go down the bankruptcy route.
All the appropriate information has been passed on and I'm currently awaiting my request for an IVA to be approved by my creditors, and if I'm successful then this becomes legally binding.
I will then repay a fixed sum of what I can realistically afford for the next five years, and this will only stay on my credit file for an additional year providing I maintain all payments throughout the term of the agreement.
In effect this is just like a personal loan, but my creditors are getting repaid only approximately a third of my outstanding debt. I'm not particularly proud of this course of action as previously I've always been very good concerning my financial commitments and obligations, but I honestly have little choice.

And finally, as previously indicated I had some hopes of a romantic nature, although I was understandably cautious. It's still early days but I think this caution is justifiable as what can I seriously offer a woman other than a kind heart and a good soul? I believe that money shouldn't matter more than love itself, but in reality this isn't really the case. I remain a humble man who is poor in life but rich in love...but that just isn't enough in the modern world.
I also tried to improve my circumstances by applying for a company position as a Research Analyst in Wellington, New Zealand. But I was overlooked for this vacancy, although I remain very doubtful whether I could have obtained the neccesary work visa anyway, due to my financial situation.
This also means that my New Zealand adventure planned for later this year may have to be reconsidered.
But on reflection I reckon with a bit of stringent budgeting I can still save enough to enjoy my friend's wedding celebrations, and have a great time in my spiritual home...Ange, I won't let you down! 
Despite the recent earthquake in Christchurch, where Ange is due to be married, I am determined to visit this wonderful country for a third time.


So for the forseeable future my home remains in Chichester, West Sussex whilst I try to live my life as best I can. I am shortly going to be visiting my good friend Jo Rolfe in Winchester, who I haven't seen for a few years despite constantly keeping in touch. I also hope to arrange another visit to enjoy a lunch with my great friend Elona in Theale, especially as she's proved so supportive in helping me with some forms connected to my refinancing.
Another trip to Cheltenham beckons too, as I hope to see Jimi, Denn and the boys again.
And hopefully, over the Easter Bank Holiday weekend I shall finally make good my promise to return to Ireland to catch up with my great friends Ruth, Glenn & 'Rose.

If any romantic developments happen then this may well result in a change of venue, but like I say my current circumstances don't exactly offer much hope.
Despite the support of my family and a close network of friends, I do have a sense of feeling awfully alone.
But my spirit remains upbeat despite all of these issues, and I intend to put a positive spin on events if possible. No matter what the future holds, I've been in worse situations in the past and I survived all of those to live and tell the tale...SO BRING IT ON!

Nomadic Steve