"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies..."
Lying on a hotel bed in the middle of Dorset's New Forest, I watched for the first time the movie 'The Shawshank Redemption'.
I had just made my break, aged 29, and felt unbelievably isolated and unsure of my future. Watching this film inspired me to remain true to my convictions and beliefs, and offered me much hope and faith with regards to my future journey...wherever that may lead me.
So, how did I end up here?
I was born and bred in Bognor Regis, and apart from brief spells living in neighbouring villages Pagham and Hunston, this was where I would spend the first three decades of my relative uneventful life.
Home was a semi-detached house in the North Bersted area, a house which my parents and kid sister still live in today - in fact I was even born in this house, as my Dad personally delivered me...that explains a lot!
I enjoyed a happy childhood, mainly mixing with lads a few years older than myself due to the level of football that I played, and got through comprehensive school (or community college as it's now called) fairly unscathed. I can't say that I particularly enjoyed school, but I left with a decent bunch of academic qualifications, and I represented the school at football until I got banned for refusing to turn out for the rugby team - I called their bluff and walked away, but still went on to feature for the district and county teams at youth level, courtesy of the Sunday side I played for.
After leaving school at 16 I went straight out to work, spending four years at Boots the Chemist in a variety of roles, and a further eight years managing the music shop Our Price. I eventually resigned from this post as the big corporate machine had taken over, only interested in commercial sales and not a real love of music, so I took a job working at Chichester Golf Club in Hunston.
Once I left home at 19 right up to when I made my great escape, I lived with a girl who I now fondly call my "pshyco ex"...because she was! I know that there are two sides to every story, but believe me this lady was extremely controlling and manipulative as my good friends The Shaws can no doubt testify!
I could tell numerous stories surrounding this period in my life, but I prefer to keep a dignified silence on events, especially that I have now moved on with my life.
But to think I spent ten years with this girl was a terrible waste of my life...especially when you consider that you can serve a prison sentence for muder for less than this! And I seriously reckon I could've got away with muder too, if I pleaded mitigating circumstances! Lol.
After a short spell in a leased bungalow in nearby Pagham, we set up home in a purpose built one bedroomed ground floor flat with a small garden, and I was tied down for the first and only time with a mortgage. We never married, which was probably just as well as things turned out.
I honestly loved this woman,despite all the grief that came with it, and I really worked hard to try to make the relationship work, but alas..."how terrible is wisdom, when it brings no profit to the wise."
She eventually realised that she loved me too...but that was only after I left, by which time it was too late as I was long gone!
What ultimately led me to leave were the constant lies and abuse (mental, verbal & physical), but despite all of this I did live to tell the tale (just!), and I refused to let it make me bitter and twisted about women and about relationships - quite the opposite actually, as it made me really appreciate the good ones when they later came into my life.
The really ironic thing is however, that she always blamed me for holding her back and restricting her prospects...despite the fact that I was supporting her financially by allowing her not to work due to her developing mental condition - as my mate Glenn would say, " she had issues!".
Yet since we split up, I moved around various places and travelled to some extent, whilst she's remained in Bognor...how ironic is that!
So this is why as I approached my 30th birthday I found myself in that hotel in the New Forest, and a new chapter in my life was just about to begin, as was my spiritual journey to find a home.
Why the New Forest?
Read the upcoming The Concrete Jungle to find out.
Nomadic Steve
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