Enlightenment

"You've gone a million miles, how far'd you get
 to that place where you can't remember, and you can't forget..."

~ Secret Garden - Bruce Springsteen

I've started reading a book by Mark Twain entitled 'Following The Equator' and it got me thinking...

The premise of the book is all about a journey undertaken starting in Paris, crossing the Atlantic to Vancouver via America, then onto Hawaii and Fiji, before spending some time in Australia and New Zealand, and then finally South Africa. The purpose of this journey was to perform a worldwide lecture tour to help him recover from bankruptcy following the failure of his publishing company.

So, the similarities already hit home with my financial situation!

Mark Twain also wrote home to his family and stated:
"I am wild with impatience to move - move - Move!"

Maybe I have got my spiritual journey to find a home all wrong?
What if the journey itself was my home?
The whole purpose of my journey suddenly dawned on me.

Maybe I'm not destined to actually find a home?
Maybe I'm meant to travel continuously?
Maybe I'm looking for something that just isn't there?

This also supports my relationship failures. If I'm always moving around in search of something that isn't there, I'm never going to settle down with anyone anyway.
I then recall an enlightened conversation with my good friend Jimi Nutbrown five months ago.
I remember it well as it was the day after my birthday, and rather suprisingly Jimi paid me a visit and even more suprisingly as he doesn't usually drink, we went out and had a few beers.
Over a pint or two, Jimi suddenly came out with an observation about me which I had never previously considered, and initially disputed.
But in hindsight, I think he was right.

Jimi felt that I wasn't destined in be in a relationship, and that he had seen me both in and out of a romantic situation, but in his eyes I was happiest on my own.
Like I say, initially I was quite suprised by this revelation, but now that I think about it...

I know in my heart of hearts that I have a lot of love to give to someone special.
I also know that I am kind, generous and caring.
But I also know that I was never happiest than when I was living in a campervan, driving the open roads across New Zealand, and travelling completely alone.
So, maybe I was meant to travel and the whole nature of my journey is not to end up somewhere, but to enjoy the path as it unwinds?

I wrote a previous blog entitled 'Following My Heart To Bath' and opened with the quote 'happiness is the road' which hinted then about actually enjoying the journey itself, but maybe I hadn't taken my thoughts to heart as much as I thought I had.

My thoughts are very much along the line now of enjoying the journey and living in the 'moment'.
After all, 'happiness isn't at the end of the road, happiness IS the road'.

Nomadic Steve

Heartbroken But Defiant

"...so here I am once more in the playground of the broken hearts,
 one more experience, one more entry in a diary self-penned,
 yet another emotional suicide overdosed on sentiment and pride..."

I've come to the conclusion that my spiritual journey to find a home will be undertaken as a solo mission.
Being part of a relationship has been a contributory factor in my numerous changes of location, but after yet another heartbreak I think it's best if I continue my path on my own.
I just don't believe I'm meant to be in a relationship, and that I'm just unlucky in love.
Please don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed some very happy times and I love women, but I just don't think it's meant to be for me.

After sitting around waiting for the phone to ring for far too long, I recently decided that it's time to get up off my backside and go out and live my life. I'm a patient and unselfish man, but I can only tolerate so much.
As it happens I discovered that I can enjoy the company of a lovely lady without it neccesarily involving a fully blown relationship. I'm lucky to have some wonderful friends who enjoy my company too, and it's always a pleasure to share a coffee and a bite to eat, or sit in the sun enjoying a beer with someone special, even if it isn't romantically involved. (thanks for your company in Wahoo, Jo)

So, I am not going to feel sorry for myself, far from it - I'm going to live for the moment and have a bloody good time! Lol.
I honestly can't complain as I've shared some very magical and precious moments with some very special ladies throughout my life so far, so I'm not bitter at all - life goes on and I've just got to accept things as they are, accept that it's time to let go, and move on with my life without dwelling on past memories.

With my future seemingly mapped out for the next five years, my life isn't really set up for a relationship anyway. I'm happy to report that my health is nearly restored back to normal (I'm on my last week of medication) and hopefully the internal scarring to my chest wall and oesophagus will have been sufficiently repaired.
The financial agency representing me have received all my documentation (thanks for your support, Elona), and are currently assessing with my creditors whether my repayment proposal will be accepted. If it is then I'll be legally binded to this arrangement for the next five years, but at least I'm making some form of progress.

And this is also where I am heartbroken, as by being tied into this agreement I shall have to shelve all my plans to revisit New Zealand, as previously mentioned.
Being positive, this only means that I'll appreciate this wonderful country all the more when I eventually return... my 50th birthday celebrations await!

I remain defiant in my beliefs and although heartbroken I know this is a temporary state and I'll bounce back as I always do. I remain a hopeless romantic and probably always will.
In the meantime, I'll leave you with the softly spoken words sung so beautifully by Andrea Corr:
"You're forgiven, not forgotten..."

PS - A very big thank you goes to Jo & Elona ~ two lovely ladies & very special people who I'm lucky to have as friends... I love you both very much ~ your friendship, love & support is priceless ♥

Nomadic Steve

The Wanderer

"I went out walkin', through streets paved with gold,
 lifted some stones, saw the skin and bones of a city without a soul..."

The title and words above are taken from a U2 track from their Zooropa album featuring the legendary 'Man In Black' on vocals - Johnny Cash.
If anyone ever epitomised faith and spirit better than Mr Cash, then I'd love to meet them.
Throughout his troubled life, dealing with his demons, his unquestionable faith always shone through.
As mentioned in a previous blog, I take take great inspiration and draw great strength from people who truimph over adversity in their lives. This is very relevant to all the people striving to bring some normality back into their lives in Japan and in Christchurch, New Zealand.
Also, the title 'The Wanderer' seems entirely appropriate to my own spiritual journey and my quest continues...

I would like to dedicate my blog this week to the blog4nz campaign, and I attach recent correspondence below detailing this initiative.
I would also like to stress that Christchurch city definitely does have a soul, and that my heart will always beat for New Zealand.

'Blog4NZ is almost upon us ... in just on hour it'll be midnight in New Zealand, and the fun and madness officially kicks off. It'll probably start gathering speed as kiwis begin to log on about 8 hours later.

Here's what we're after.

From March 21 (when the sun rises over Gisborne) until March 23 (when it slides past Tonga to look at New Zealand again) we want to fill the internet with talk about New Zealand as a tourism destination.

The key message: New Zealand is open for business.

Christchurch was hit hard by the recent quake, but 100% of the country is still here and 99% is accessible, even a lot of Canterbury -- Hamner Springs, Arthurs Pass, all your favourite outdoor and adventure tourism spots are open.

Although it seems natural to write a post on the Christchurch Earthquake itself, this isn't the goal. It's not an elephant in the room -- to be seen and not discussed -- but it isn't the focus of the event. We're after positive stories and reasons to visit.

If you use the term "blog4nz" or "#blog4nz" in the body of your post, we'll be able to find it in Google searches. Feel free to include the logo too. 

The focus of the campaign is going to be the #blog4nz hashtag on Twitter, and the Facebook page, http://facebook.com/blog4nz. Feel free to post all new content there, share it with friends and family, and -- if you want -- repost articles during the event. 

Some sites are posting 6-10 stories. We'd like to encourage you to post at least once a day (that's three posts) for #blog4nz.

We have some more good news: New Zealand wants to say thank you. 

The tourism industry here was surprised by the warmth and enthusiasm shown by the international blogging community and wanted to say thanks. They've put together three amazing packages with a combined value that's simply staggering. Flights, an all-expenses trip to New Zealand, packages for independent travel in the North and South Islands ... Amazing.

If you'd like to compete for these prizes, there are special conditions. Please carefully read the post on http://blog4nz.indietravelmedia.com about "goodies" and the PDF Terms and Conditions to make sure you've got a chance at the main prize.

So, get writing, get collaborating, and get excited ... #blog4nz is so close!

Yours,

Craig, Dan, Jim and John

Blog4NZ

PO Box 5531, Auckland, North Island 1141, NEW ZEALAND'.

I have recently published my own blog onto their website specifically mentioning the three sections directly relating to my love of New Zealand:
'A Dream Realised', 'A Kiwi At Heart', and 'Canterbury Tales'.
Any further support to the NZ tourism industry would be greatly appreciated, so please feel free to add your blogs too!

New Zealand remains my spiritual home, and although I know it's going to take a long time before I revisit this wonderful land, I also know that it will happen some day.

Nomadic Steve

The Essence Of My Spirituality

"When I do good, I feel good - when I do bad, I feel bad - that is my religion."

~ Abraham Lincoln when quizzed on his personal beliefs and his own religion.

The difference between religion and spirituality can be defined as follows:
Spirituality can be most characteristically described as the inner experience of the individual when he or she senses a Beyond, especially as evidenced by the effect of this experience on his or her behaviour when he or she actively attempts to harmonize his or her life with the Beyond.

Whereas religion may include the above but it also has an institutional connotation, meaning practicing rituals and attending services.

Spirituality has more to do with life's deeper motivations incorporating strong emotional connections.
Another description of spirituality refers to matters of ultimate concern that call for releasing the passions of the soul to search for goals with personal meaning - this is definitely appropriate when thinking along the lines of my spiritual journey to find a home.

Organised religion has never sat comfortably with me. I have no issue whatsoever with people who believe in any form of religion, and I have many friends who do. During the past year an old school friend picked me up when I was down without preaching to me, but her strength and faith shone through (thanks Julie).
Being present in a church has also felt pretty alien to me. I have attended many weddings, christenings, and funerals in various places of worship, but as much as I marvel at the architecture and structure of these buildings I still don't feel at ease in them. I have experienced wonderous cathedrals in fabulous cities such as York, Chester, Canterbury, Winchester, Cork in Ireland, and Christchurch in New Zealand, and lived in cathedral cities such as Bath and Chichester, and I admire these wonderfully (sometimes) gothic buildings - in fact I walk past the cathedral in Chichester at least twice a day and can even see the spire from my bedroom window!

I used to go to Sunday School with my older sisters which also included attending the main church, and then in the afternoons I played football for the local boys team. Once the matches got switched to Sunday mornings, my parents knew where my priorities were, so my place of worship was exclusively restricted to the football pitches of West Sussex from there on in - and that was the extent of my church going!

I think my spirituality is never more evident than when I'm in open spaces or nearby to water.
This sense and feeling was awakened when travelling throughout New Zealand, where I loved the open roads, wide open spaces, and living amongst the lakes and the mountains. I deliberately stayed on the coast throughout my travels to take in the sea air and walk along the beautiful sandy beaches.
Even back in the UK I appreciate the scenery on offer. I remember working in Bristol and regularly taking a detour home to Bath via the Chew Magna Valley to take in the magnificant views of the lake, and I can recall walking along all the neighbouring single-track roads around the countryside when I also lived in Bath.
Then there was the conservation area in Bradley Stoke, the rolling hills surrounding Cheltenham, Bracknell Forest in Berkshire, and the beaches in Bognor Regis and Bournemouth.

If ever I was forced to follow a particular religion then it would undoubtably be Buddhism, purely because it is more a way of life and a philosophy - live your life right, be respectful to others, what goes around come around, karma and all that.
I personally believe that the essence of my spirituality concerns my belief, an inner motivating strength that I seem to possess, and an ability to deal with life's trials and tribulations as they occur.
Also, an understanding of the combination of what goes on in my heart and in my head, and differentiating the two where neccesary.
I like to think I remain a humble man with a kind heart and a good soul, and I firmly believe that eventually you get what you deserve in this life...be it good, bad or indifferent.
And finally, I also believe that good things happen to good people so if like me you're going through a tough old time, I urge you to hang on in there, keep your spirits up, and stay strong.

Nomadic Steve

What's Going On?

"There are many paths to redemption, not all of them are peaceful..."

In the words of Marvin Gaye..."What's going on?"
First it was New Zealand, where my good friends in Christchurch suffered the devastating earthquake and continual aftershocks, and now it's Japan where my niece currently resides, with their own tragic events.
I'm happy to report that all my friends and family are fine, but just what is going on?
I apprecaite the media and internet coverage is significantly advanced in these modern times, but even taking this into account there still seems to be far more disasters in recent times than in past generations.

I guess this just echoes my previous point that life is too short and you have to make the most of every moment and opportunity that comes your way.
By way of a contradiction to this sentiment, it is with much regret and a very heavy heart that I must report that although my spiritual journey to find a home remains ingrained in my physche, I must however concede defeat with certain aspects of this persuit - purely for financial reasons I hasten to add.

Therefore, my planned adventure to New Zealand, originally scheduled for August & September this year has been put back to...October 2017.
This may seem a lifetime away, but believe me six and a half years will fly by.
When I think where I was and what I was doing six and half years ago, it only seems like yesterday.
(Incidently for the curious among you, I was living in Batheaston and working for TNT in Bristol).

October 2017 will mark my 50th birthday, and what better way to celebrate this landmark occassion in style.
All my financial obligations will have been met in five years time, giving me eighteen months to raise substantial funds to really treat myself to one helluva time in NZ.
When I reluctantly reached this ultimate decision, it also coincided with the news that my good friend Ange has put back her wedding originally due for September 3rd this year.
Catching up with Ange and being part of her special day was the main purpose of my intended visit.
Hearing that her plans have changed softened the blow somewhat, although I'm still very disappointed that I will be unable to attend her wedding when she does reset the wedding date. I really hope that she understands, but having said that...never say never! You never know...circumstances may change making it possible to attend after all ~ as one door closes, another door opens?
Quite rightly she wants her wonderful city of Christchurch to be restored to some degree of normailty, and hopefully her currently condemned church can also be rebuilt back to it's former glory.

Although I'm planning for the future, I still believe in living for the present...carpe diem and all that!
So any opportunities that enter my life will be grasped with both hands, and nothing will ever be taken for granted...Live every moment ♥ Laugh every day ♥ Love beyond words ♥

Nomadic Steve

Simple Pleasures

"when the darkness takes me over,
 face down, emptier than zero,
 invisible you come to me...quietly.
 Stay beside me, whisper to me "Here I am", and the loneliness fades.

 Some people think I'm somethin', well you gave me that, I know,
 but I always feel like nothing when I'm in the dark alone,
 you provide the soul, the spark that drives me on,
 makes me something more than flesh and bone..."

My niece recently commented that she finds it incredible that I can stay so positive, but I really think it's just a state of mind mixed in with an inner strength and indomitable spirit. This feeling is what drives me on relentlessly on my journey to find a true home and settle down one day.
As previously mentioned, there are still plenty of simple pleasures to be experienced in life irrespective of your state of wealth.
Most ordinary folks take for granted some of these simple pleasures, but when you've experienced the bad times you can really appreciate the good times when they arrive in your life, even if they are small things.

So in no particular order here are just a few of the simple pleasures in my life which I never take for granted, but that I do really appreciate when they occur.

* sharing lunch or a drink (or both!) with a dear friend and catching up with all of their news.

* enjoying a Sunday breakfast in a cafe, reading the newspapers and watching the world go by.

* viewing your bank statement on pay day!

* hearing a familar old tune, transporting you back in time to a memorable time.

* having a cold beer with the lads on a Friday afternoon, after a hard week's graft at work.

* eating a bag of chips as you stroll along the promenade or beach if the tide is out.

* making an idiot of yourself on Wii as you try to compete with your friends' kids.

* treating yourself to a rare but inexpensive luxury from time-to-time.

* sharing a sweet kiss or warm hug with someone special in your life.

* re-living happy times & memories through shared pictures on Facebook.

* snuggling up under a duvet on a rainny Sunday afternoon watching an old movie.

* giving a little something to somebody in need, knowing that you've made a difference.

* visiting a new town or city, or re-aquainting yourself after a long absense.

* finding a 'fiver' or better still, a 'tenner' in the back pocket of your old jeans.


These are just some of the simple pleasures in my life ~ make the most of them and enjoy them at every opportunity!

Nomadic Steve

The McCambridge Redemption

"Just a revoluntionary with a pseudonym ~ I'm serving a sentence to write life's sentences..."


My spiritual journey to find a home has taken up residence for the next five years in Chichester, West Sussex unless anything startling occurs in the meantime.
The old phrase 'never-say-never' still rings true, but being realistic I have to accept that my forseeable tenure is at my current address. Not that I'm complaining - far from it, as I'm happy and grateful to be sharing a home with great people in Josie & Glen.
I must admit though it is difficult sometimes when I've been exclusively independent for the past twelve or so years, but I just need to keep my head down and get on with life as best I can.

It's at times like this that the analogies and metaphors for prison life ring true once again.
Firstly, I feel like I'm serving a sentence which is testing my spirit, fortitude, and strength as personisfied by the main character, Andy Dufresne in 'The Shawshank Redemption'.
And then secondly, I feel inspired by the comical genius of Ronnie Barker aka Norman Stanley Fletcher in the sitcom 'Porridge' who uttered the following three rules to prison life:

"1. bide your time,
 2. keep your nose clean...and,
 3. don't let the bastards grind you down!"

Fletch's many pearls of wisdom help to keep me going, as like he also said, 'little victories' can lift the heart.
You can't buck the system, but you can have the occassional little cheer along the way.

I am in the process of utilising a supportive company (McCambridge Duffy) to enable me to re-finance my assets and debts, which will involve being tied into a legally binding commitment for the next five years.
During this period I may well be restricted in lavish expenditure such as exotic holidays, women (lol) or gifts, but all this will do is make me appreciate my life all the more when this commitment has expired.

Like I always say, you have to experience the bad to appreciate the good, and I know the time will soon fly by. In the meantime I will still find a way to enjoy myself even if it may be slightly down-scaled from before.
There are many simple pleasures in life to be experienced.
I enjoyed a great day last weekend with my good friend Jo in Winchester, and in a months time I will be visiting my great friends Glenn, Ruth & 'Rose in Ireland.
Two years have passed since I previously spent some time in the company of these wonderful people, so I still have so much to look forward to.
Then there is my ever-so-supportive friend, Elona - hopefully we can arrange a time to meet up for a lazy lunch again, and she can tell me all her wonderful news in person.
And finally, I hope to arrange a time to see Lou and her girls as this always makes me happy :)

As the legendary blues guitairst BB King sang..."Let The Good Times Roll".

Nomadic Steve