Heartbroken But Defiant

"...so here I am once more in the playground of the broken hearts,
 one more experience, one more entry in a diary self-penned,
 yet another emotional suicide overdosed on sentiment and pride..."

I've come to the conclusion that my spiritual journey to find a home will be undertaken as a solo mission.
Being part of a relationship has been a contributory factor in my numerous changes of location, but after yet another heartbreak I think it's best if I continue my path on my own.
I just don't believe I'm meant to be in a relationship, and that I'm just unlucky in love.
Please don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed some very happy times and I love women, but I just don't think it's meant to be for me.

After sitting around waiting for the phone to ring for far too long, I recently decided that it's time to get up off my backside and go out and live my life. I'm a patient and unselfish man, but I can only tolerate so much.
As it happens I discovered that I can enjoy the company of a lovely lady without it neccesarily involving a fully blown relationship. I'm lucky to have some wonderful friends who enjoy my company too, and it's always a pleasure to share a coffee and a bite to eat, or sit in the sun enjoying a beer with someone special, even if it isn't romantically involved. (thanks for your company in Wahoo, Jo)

So, I am not going to feel sorry for myself, far from it - I'm going to live for the moment and have a bloody good time! Lol.
I honestly can't complain as I've shared some very magical and precious moments with some very special ladies throughout my life so far, so I'm not bitter at all - life goes on and I've just got to accept things as they are, accept that it's time to let go, and move on with my life without dwelling on past memories.

With my future seemingly mapped out for the next five years, my life isn't really set up for a relationship anyway. I'm happy to report that my health is nearly restored back to normal (I'm on my last week of medication) and hopefully the internal scarring to my chest wall and oesophagus will have been sufficiently repaired.
The financial agency representing me have received all my documentation (thanks for your support, Elona), and are currently assessing with my creditors whether my repayment proposal will be accepted. If it is then I'll be legally binded to this arrangement for the next five years, but at least I'm making some form of progress.

And this is also where I am heartbroken, as by being tied into this agreement I shall have to shelve all my plans to revisit New Zealand, as previously mentioned.
Being positive, this only means that I'll appreciate this wonderful country all the more when I eventually return... my 50th birthday celebrations await!

I remain defiant in my beliefs and although heartbroken I know this is a temporary state and I'll bounce back as I always do. I remain a hopeless romantic and probably always will.
In the meantime, I'll leave you with the softly spoken words sung so beautifully by Andrea Corr:
"You're forgiven, not forgotten..."

PS - A very big thank you goes to Jo & Elona ~ two lovely ladies & very special people who I'm lucky to have as friends... I love you both very much ~ your friendship, love & support is priceless ♥

Nomadic Steve