Enlightenment

"You've gone a million miles, how far'd you get
 to that place where you can't remember, and you can't forget..."

~ Secret Garden - Bruce Springsteen

I've started reading a book by Mark Twain entitled 'Following The Equator' and it got me thinking...

The premise of the book is all about a journey undertaken starting in Paris, crossing the Atlantic to Vancouver via America, then onto Hawaii and Fiji, before spending some time in Australia and New Zealand, and then finally South Africa. The purpose of this journey was to perform a worldwide lecture tour to help him recover from bankruptcy following the failure of his publishing company.

So, the similarities already hit home with my financial situation!

Mark Twain also wrote home to his family and stated:
"I am wild with impatience to move - move - Move!"

Maybe I have got my spiritual journey to find a home all wrong?
What if the journey itself was my home?
The whole purpose of my journey suddenly dawned on me.

Maybe I'm not destined to actually find a home?
Maybe I'm meant to travel continuously?
Maybe I'm looking for something that just isn't there?

This also supports my relationship failures. If I'm always moving around in search of something that isn't there, I'm never going to settle down with anyone anyway.
I then recall an enlightened conversation with my good friend Jimi Nutbrown five months ago.
I remember it well as it was the day after my birthday, and rather suprisingly Jimi paid me a visit and even more suprisingly as he doesn't usually drink, we went out and had a few beers.
Over a pint or two, Jimi suddenly came out with an observation about me which I had never previously considered, and initially disputed.
But in hindsight, I think he was right.

Jimi felt that I wasn't destined in be in a relationship, and that he had seen me both in and out of a romantic situation, but in his eyes I was happiest on my own.
Like I say, initially I was quite suprised by this revelation, but now that I think about it...

I know in my heart of hearts that I have a lot of love to give to someone special.
I also know that I am kind, generous and caring.
But I also know that I was never happiest than when I was living in a campervan, driving the open roads across New Zealand, and travelling completely alone.
So, maybe I was meant to travel and the whole nature of my journey is not to end up somewhere, but to enjoy the path as it unwinds?

I wrote a previous blog entitled 'Following My Heart To Bath' and opened with the quote 'happiness is the road' which hinted then about actually enjoying the journey itself, but maybe I hadn't taken my thoughts to heart as much as I thought I had.

My thoughts are very much along the line now of enjoying the journey and living in the 'moment'.
After all, 'happiness isn't at the end of the road, happiness IS the road'.

Nomadic Steve

Heartbroken But Defiant

"...so here I am once more in the playground of the broken hearts,
 one more experience, one more entry in a diary self-penned,
 yet another emotional suicide overdosed on sentiment and pride..."

I've come to the conclusion that my spiritual journey to find a home will be undertaken as a solo mission.
Being part of a relationship has been a contributory factor in my numerous changes of location, but after yet another heartbreak I think it's best if I continue my path on my own.
I just don't believe I'm meant to be in a relationship, and that I'm just unlucky in love.
Please don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed some very happy times and I love women, but I just don't think it's meant to be for me.

After sitting around waiting for the phone to ring for far too long, I recently decided that it's time to get up off my backside and go out and live my life. I'm a patient and unselfish man, but I can only tolerate so much.
As it happens I discovered that I can enjoy the company of a lovely lady without it neccesarily involving a fully blown relationship. I'm lucky to have some wonderful friends who enjoy my company too, and it's always a pleasure to share a coffee and a bite to eat, or sit in the sun enjoying a beer with someone special, even if it isn't romantically involved. (thanks for your company in Wahoo, Jo)

So, I am not going to feel sorry for myself, far from it - I'm going to live for the moment and have a bloody good time! Lol.
I honestly can't complain as I've shared some very magical and precious moments with some very special ladies throughout my life so far, so I'm not bitter at all - life goes on and I've just got to accept things as they are, accept that it's time to let go, and move on with my life without dwelling on past memories.

With my future seemingly mapped out for the next five years, my life isn't really set up for a relationship anyway. I'm happy to report that my health is nearly restored back to normal (I'm on my last week of medication) and hopefully the internal scarring to my chest wall and oesophagus will have been sufficiently repaired.
The financial agency representing me have received all my documentation (thanks for your support, Elona), and are currently assessing with my creditors whether my repayment proposal will be accepted. If it is then I'll be legally binded to this arrangement for the next five years, but at least I'm making some form of progress.

And this is also where I am heartbroken, as by being tied into this agreement I shall have to shelve all my plans to revisit New Zealand, as previously mentioned.
Being positive, this only means that I'll appreciate this wonderful country all the more when I eventually return... my 50th birthday celebrations await!

I remain defiant in my beliefs and although heartbroken I know this is a temporary state and I'll bounce back as I always do. I remain a hopeless romantic and probably always will.
In the meantime, I'll leave you with the softly spoken words sung so beautifully by Andrea Corr:
"You're forgiven, not forgotten..."

PS - A very big thank you goes to Jo & Elona ~ two lovely ladies & very special people who I'm lucky to have as friends... I love you both very much ~ your friendship, love & support is priceless ♥

Nomadic Steve

The Wanderer

"I went out walkin', through streets paved with gold,
 lifted some stones, saw the skin and bones of a city without a soul..."

The title and words above are taken from a U2 track from their Zooropa album featuring the legendary 'Man In Black' on vocals - Johnny Cash.
If anyone ever epitomised faith and spirit better than Mr Cash, then I'd love to meet them.
Throughout his troubled life, dealing with his demons, his unquestionable faith always shone through.
As mentioned in a previous blog, I take take great inspiration and draw great strength from people who truimph over adversity in their lives. This is very relevant to all the people striving to bring some normality back into their lives in Japan and in Christchurch, New Zealand.
Also, the title 'The Wanderer' seems entirely appropriate to my own spiritual journey and my quest continues...

I would like to dedicate my blog this week to the blog4nz campaign, and I attach recent correspondence below detailing this initiative.
I would also like to stress that Christchurch city definitely does have a soul, and that my heart will always beat for New Zealand.

'Blog4NZ is almost upon us ... in just on hour it'll be midnight in New Zealand, and the fun and madness officially kicks off. It'll probably start gathering speed as kiwis begin to log on about 8 hours later.

Here's what we're after.

From March 21 (when the sun rises over Gisborne) until March 23 (when it slides past Tonga to look at New Zealand again) we want to fill the internet with talk about New Zealand as a tourism destination.

The key message: New Zealand is open for business.

Christchurch was hit hard by the recent quake, but 100% of the country is still here and 99% is accessible, even a lot of Canterbury -- Hamner Springs, Arthurs Pass, all your favourite outdoor and adventure tourism spots are open.

Although it seems natural to write a post on the Christchurch Earthquake itself, this isn't the goal. It's not an elephant in the room -- to be seen and not discussed -- but it isn't the focus of the event. We're after positive stories and reasons to visit.

If you use the term "blog4nz" or "#blog4nz" in the body of your post, we'll be able to find it in Google searches. Feel free to include the logo too. 

The focus of the campaign is going to be the #blog4nz hashtag on Twitter, and the Facebook page, http://facebook.com/blog4nz. Feel free to post all new content there, share it with friends and family, and -- if you want -- repost articles during the event. 

Some sites are posting 6-10 stories. We'd like to encourage you to post at least once a day (that's three posts) for #blog4nz.

We have some more good news: New Zealand wants to say thank you. 

The tourism industry here was surprised by the warmth and enthusiasm shown by the international blogging community and wanted to say thanks. They've put together three amazing packages with a combined value that's simply staggering. Flights, an all-expenses trip to New Zealand, packages for independent travel in the North and South Islands ... Amazing.

If you'd like to compete for these prizes, there are special conditions. Please carefully read the post on http://blog4nz.indietravelmedia.com about "goodies" and the PDF Terms and Conditions to make sure you've got a chance at the main prize.

So, get writing, get collaborating, and get excited ... #blog4nz is so close!

Yours,

Craig, Dan, Jim and John

Blog4NZ

PO Box 5531, Auckland, North Island 1141, NEW ZEALAND'.

I have recently published my own blog onto their website specifically mentioning the three sections directly relating to my love of New Zealand:
'A Dream Realised', 'A Kiwi At Heart', and 'Canterbury Tales'.
Any further support to the NZ tourism industry would be greatly appreciated, so please feel free to add your blogs too!

New Zealand remains my spiritual home, and although I know it's going to take a long time before I revisit this wonderful land, I also know that it will happen some day.

Nomadic Steve

The Essence Of My Spirituality

"When I do good, I feel good - when I do bad, I feel bad - that is my religion."

~ Abraham Lincoln when quizzed on his personal beliefs and his own religion.

The difference between religion and spirituality can be defined as follows:
Spirituality can be most characteristically described as the inner experience of the individual when he or she senses a Beyond, especially as evidenced by the effect of this experience on his or her behaviour when he or she actively attempts to harmonize his or her life with the Beyond.

Whereas religion may include the above but it also has an institutional connotation, meaning practicing rituals and attending services.

Spirituality has more to do with life's deeper motivations incorporating strong emotional connections.
Another description of spirituality refers to matters of ultimate concern that call for releasing the passions of the soul to search for goals with personal meaning - this is definitely appropriate when thinking along the lines of my spiritual journey to find a home.

Organised religion has never sat comfortably with me. I have no issue whatsoever with people who believe in any form of religion, and I have many friends who do. During the past year an old school friend picked me up when I was down without preaching to me, but her strength and faith shone through (thanks Julie).
Being present in a church has also felt pretty alien to me. I have attended many weddings, christenings, and funerals in various places of worship, but as much as I marvel at the architecture and structure of these buildings I still don't feel at ease in them. I have experienced wonderous cathedrals in fabulous cities such as York, Chester, Canterbury, Winchester, Cork in Ireland, and Christchurch in New Zealand, and lived in cathedral cities such as Bath and Chichester, and I admire these wonderfully (sometimes) gothic buildings - in fact I walk past the cathedral in Chichester at least twice a day and can even see the spire from my bedroom window!

I used to go to Sunday School with my older sisters which also included attending the main church, and then in the afternoons I played football for the local boys team. Once the matches got switched to Sunday mornings, my parents knew where my priorities were, so my place of worship was exclusively restricted to the football pitches of West Sussex from there on in - and that was the extent of my church going!

I think my spirituality is never more evident than when I'm in open spaces or nearby to water.
This sense and feeling was awakened when travelling throughout New Zealand, where I loved the open roads, wide open spaces, and living amongst the lakes and the mountains. I deliberately stayed on the coast throughout my travels to take in the sea air and walk along the beautiful sandy beaches.
Even back in the UK I appreciate the scenery on offer. I remember working in Bristol and regularly taking a detour home to Bath via the Chew Magna Valley to take in the magnificant views of the lake, and I can recall walking along all the neighbouring single-track roads around the countryside when I also lived in Bath.
Then there was the conservation area in Bradley Stoke, the rolling hills surrounding Cheltenham, Bracknell Forest in Berkshire, and the beaches in Bognor Regis and Bournemouth.

If ever I was forced to follow a particular religion then it would undoubtably be Buddhism, purely because it is more a way of life and a philosophy - live your life right, be respectful to others, what goes around come around, karma and all that.
I personally believe that the essence of my spirituality concerns my belief, an inner motivating strength that I seem to possess, and an ability to deal with life's trials and tribulations as they occur.
Also, an understanding of the combination of what goes on in my heart and in my head, and differentiating the two where neccesary.
I like to think I remain a humble man with a kind heart and a good soul, and I firmly believe that eventually you get what you deserve in this life...be it good, bad or indifferent.
And finally, I also believe that good things happen to good people so if like me you're going through a tough old time, I urge you to hang on in there, keep your spirits up, and stay strong.

Nomadic Steve

What's Going On?

"There are many paths to redemption, not all of them are peaceful..."

In the words of Marvin Gaye..."What's going on?"
First it was New Zealand, where my good friends in Christchurch suffered the devastating earthquake and continual aftershocks, and now it's Japan where my niece currently resides, with their own tragic events.
I'm happy to report that all my friends and family are fine, but just what is going on?
I apprecaite the media and internet coverage is significantly advanced in these modern times, but even taking this into account there still seems to be far more disasters in recent times than in past generations.

I guess this just echoes my previous point that life is too short and you have to make the most of every moment and opportunity that comes your way.
By way of a contradiction to this sentiment, it is with much regret and a very heavy heart that I must report that although my spiritual journey to find a home remains ingrained in my physche, I must however concede defeat with certain aspects of this persuit - purely for financial reasons I hasten to add.

Therefore, my planned adventure to New Zealand, originally scheduled for August & September this year has been put back to...October 2017.
This may seem a lifetime away, but believe me six and a half years will fly by.
When I think where I was and what I was doing six and half years ago, it only seems like yesterday.
(Incidently for the curious among you, I was living in Batheaston and working for TNT in Bristol).

October 2017 will mark my 50th birthday, and what better way to celebrate this landmark occassion in style.
All my financial obligations will have been met in five years time, giving me eighteen months to raise substantial funds to really treat myself to one helluva time in NZ.
When I reluctantly reached this ultimate decision, it also coincided with the news that my good friend Ange has put back her wedding originally due for September 3rd this year.
Catching up with Ange and being part of her special day was the main purpose of my intended visit.
Hearing that her plans have changed softened the blow somewhat, although I'm still very disappointed that I will be unable to attend her wedding when she does reset the wedding date. I really hope that she understands, but having said that...never say never! You never know...circumstances may change making it possible to attend after all ~ as one door closes, another door opens?
Quite rightly she wants her wonderful city of Christchurch to be restored to some degree of normailty, and hopefully her currently condemned church can also be rebuilt back to it's former glory.

Although I'm planning for the future, I still believe in living for the present...carpe diem and all that!
So any opportunities that enter my life will be grasped with both hands, and nothing will ever be taken for granted...Live every moment ♥ Laugh every day ♥ Love beyond words ♥

Nomadic Steve

Simple Pleasures

"when the darkness takes me over,
 face down, emptier than zero,
 invisible you come to me...quietly.
 Stay beside me, whisper to me "Here I am", and the loneliness fades.

 Some people think I'm somethin', well you gave me that, I know,
 but I always feel like nothing when I'm in the dark alone,
 you provide the soul, the spark that drives me on,
 makes me something more than flesh and bone..."

My niece recently commented that she finds it incredible that I can stay so positive, but I really think it's just a state of mind mixed in with an inner strength and indomitable spirit. This feeling is what drives me on relentlessly on my journey to find a true home and settle down one day.
As previously mentioned, there are still plenty of simple pleasures to be experienced in life irrespective of your state of wealth.
Most ordinary folks take for granted some of these simple pleasures, but when you've experienced the bad times you can really appreciate the good times when they arrive in your life, even if they are small things.

So in no particular order here are just a few of the simple pleasures in my life which I never take for granted, but that I do really appreciate when they occur.

* sharing lunch or a drink (or both!) with a dear friend and catching up with all of their news.

* enjoying a Sunday breakfast in a cafe, reading the newspapers and watching the world go by.

* viewing your bank statement on pay day!

* hearing a familar old tune, transporting you back in time to a memorable time.

* having a cold beer with the lads on a Friday afternoon, after a hard week's graft at work.

* eating a bag of chips as you stroll along the promenade or beach if the tide is out.

* making an idiot of yourself on Wii as you try to compete with your friends' kids.

* treating yourself to a rare but inexpensive luxury from time-to-time.

* sharing a sweet kiss or warm hug with someone special in your life.

* re-living happy times & memories through shared pictures on Facebook.

* snuggling up under a duvet on a rainny Sunday afternoon watching an old movie.

* giving a little something to somebody in need, knowing that you've made a difference.

* visiting a new town or city, or re-aquainting yourself after a long absense.

* finding a 'fiver' or better still, a 'tenner' in the back pocket of your old jeans.


These are just some of the simple pleasures in my life ~ make the most of them and enjoy them at every opportunity!

Nomadic Steve

The McCambridge Redemption

"Just a revoluntionary with a pseudonym ~ I'm serving a sentence to write life's sentences..."


My spiritual journey to find a home has taken up residence for the next five years in Chichester, West Sussex unless anything startling occurs in the meantime.
The old phrase 'never-say-never' still rings true, but being realistic I have to accept that my forseeable tenure is at my current address. Not that I'm complaining - far from it, as I'm happy and grateful to be sharing a home with great people in Josie & Glen.
I must admit though it is difficult sometimes when I've been exclusively independent for the past twelve or so years, but I just need to keep my head down and get on with life as best I can.

It's at times like this that the analogies and metaphors for prison life ring true once again.
Firstly, I feel like I'm serving a sentence which is testing my spirit, fortitude, and strength as personisfied by the main character, Andy Dufresne in 'The Shawshank Redemption'.
And then secondly, I feel inspired by the comical genius of Ronnie Barker aka Norman Stanley Fletcher in the sitcom 'Porridge' who uttered the following three rules to prison life:

"1. bide your time,
 2. keep your nose clean...and,
 3. don't let the bastards grind you down!"

Fletch's many pearls of wisdom help to keep me going, as like he also said, 'little victories' can lift the heart.
You can't buck the system, but you can have the occassional little cheer along the way.

I am in the process of utilising a supportive company (McCambridge Duffy) to enable me to re-finance my assets and debts, which will involve being tied into a legally binding commitment for the next five years.
During this period I may well be restricted in lavish expenditure such as exotic holidays, women (lol) or gifts, but all this will do is make me appreciate my life all the more when this commitment has expired.

Like I always say, you have to experience the bad to appreciate the good, and I know the time will soon fly by. In the meantime I will still find a way to enjoy myself even if it may be slightly down-scaled from before.
There are many simple pleasures in life to be experienced.
I enjoyed a great day last weekend with my good friend Jo in Winchester, and in a months time I will be visiting my great friends Glenn, Ruth & 'Rose in Ireland.
Two years have passed since I previously spent some time in the company of these wonderful people, so I still have so much to look forward to.
Then there is my ever-so-supportive friend, Elona - hopefully we can arrange a time to meet up for a lazy lunch again, and she can tell me all her wonderful news in person.
And finally, I hope to arrange a time to see Lou and her girls as this always makes me happy :)

As the legendary blues guitairst BB King sang..."Let The Good Times Roll".

Nomadic Steve

Somewhere Else

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars...the rest I just squandered."

The above infamous quote from the legendary George Best, sort of resonates with me too!
And the title 'Somewhere Else' applies to me in that the full lyrics read as follows:
"I've seen enough, everyone I love lives somewhere else."

Since my recent health scare, I've found myself questioning my mortality and what (if anything) I will leave behind in terms of my legacy.
When you also consider the devastating events in Christchurch, you realise that life is too short and you must make the most of it.
So what if it appears that I've wasted my money on wining and dining women...I can recall as many happy times as I can sad heartbreaks, and I know that I have helped out at least three lovely ladies financially, so I can honestly say that I have contributed in helping them to turn their respective lives around.

As content as I am living in West Sussex once again, I can honestly say that family apart, all the people that I love do indeed live somewhere else.
This is the essence of my entire blog - my spiritual journey to find a home.
I've already bored you with all the details of my persuit for happiness through previous blogs, but my heart (or at least a small part of it) remains in Berkshire, Somerset & Gloucestershire, Ireland and New Zealand.

My journey continues onwards and I remain open to any opportunities that come my way.

To all of you living somewhere else...and you know who you are ~ I LOVE YOU ALL!

Nomadic Steve

Canterbury Tales

"Christchurch is undoubtedly one of New Zealand's most liveable cities, combining an easy-going provincial charm with an emerging energy and verve of a metropolis. Modern bars and restaurants complement Gothic architecture, and locals know how lucky they are to blend all the attractions of a city with the relaxed ambience of a small town..."

The above excerpt taken from the 14th edition of New Zealand's Lonely Planet guide book, may seem contradictory to the current plight of Christchurch after the devastating earthquake, but due to the special people that live in this fantastic city, I have every confidence that this beautiful place will be restored to its' former glory before too long. The strength and spirit of the people, as personally witnessed on numerous occassions, will shine through once again...of that I am absolutely sure.

Located within the Canterbury region, Christchurch is traditionally the most English of the cities in New Zealand. Although I often site Queenstown and Wanaka as my spiritual homes, there remains a special place in my heart for Christchurch too.
This is partly based on the fact that I first set foot on New Zealand soil in Christchurch to finally realise my dream, and also for the fact that I have a great friend living there in Angela Paul.

I first arrived in Christchurch in November 2008, and stayed at the Chateau On The Park hotel for a couple of nights. I was to return there a week or so later for a further few nights, and then when I decided to return to NZ in March 2009, I used this beautiful hotel as a base for the start and end of my monthly adventure.
The Chateau is a lovely hotel with friendly staff and fantastic facilities.
I enjoyed some fun times here; one story I'll recall a little later...the rest you'll have to leave to your imagination, as like I said previously...a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell. Lol!

To reach the city centre from The Chateau you need to navigate either around or through the spectacular Botanic Gardens. I've never been a real horticulturist or garden lover, but I must admit I enjoyed walking through these gardens on countless occassions on my way into the city centre. It has a very calming influence on you, and the variety of colours on display lifts your heart.
Once in the city itself, there is plenty to marvel about.
The tremendous Cathedral Square with the street entertainers and mini-markets keep you enthralled for hours, and any city with two Starbucks on hand will do for me!
There are also plenty of great restaurants to eat at, and I remember one fantastic Italian lunch I enjoyed with Ange, as well as a classic risotto dish I shared with some friends, Brian & Christine at the same restaurant, naturally washed down with a gorgeous bottle of red wine.
As well as the regular shops there are the usual souvenir stores, and as mentioned in an earlier blog there is also the best tattooist I've ever experienced - Otautahi Tatu.
I was extremely pleased to hear that all my friends there were safe and sound after the earthquake, as was Ange and all of her family...my heart goes out to all the residents in Christchurch and any affected elsewhere in the Canterbury region.

To conclude my blog I'll leave you with a fun story as indicated earlier.
On one memorable occassion I was enjoying my first taste of the legendary Mac Gold beer in The Chateau bar, whilst watching the Rugby League World Cup semi-final between England and New Zealand.
The bar was full of Kiwi's with two exceptions - me and an Australian fella.
Now this guy was the stereo-typical loud mouth Aussie, who just wouldn't shut up.
The All Blacks were convincingly beating the English (no suprise there), and there was the expected good natured banter between the Kiwi's in the bar and myself. Generally, they weren't gloating at all but the Aussie guy wouldn't let up. In the rugby league world Australia are the kings, whereas in the union game the Kiwi's naturally feel their beloved All Blacks rule the world. The Aussie fella continually reminded everyone in the bar of this, and of what was to happen to the All Blacks when they met the Aussies in the impending final (Australia were the overwhelming favourites against the winners of the New Zealand/England semi-final).
Fortunately at half-time he departed and left us in peace, but not before I endeared myself to all of the Kiwi's in the bar, by repeating a comment I once heard from Billy Connolly...
"YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL AN AUSTRALIAN...BUT YOU CAN'T TELL HIM MUCH!"
Even better was to follow as the New Zealand underdogs came from behind to spank the Aussies in the final.

Christchurch - I wish you all well from the bottom of my heart.

Nomadic Steve

The Reckoning

"...and you can have it all, my empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt.
If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself, I would find a way" 

                                                                                                                                   ~  Johnny Cash
So here I am in the week of my personal reckoning!
My entire future appears to be mapped out, dependent on decisions received concerning my health, my finances, and personal life in my persuit on my spiritual journey to find a home.

On Monday February 21st I visited St.Richards hospital in Chichester for a full examination to finally attempt to find out what's been causing my illness since last November.
I received the standard gastroscopy exam as expected, but due to some discovered damage in my stomach I also had a biopsy to see what's wrong. Unfortunately, I won't get any results until the end of the week.
There is still excess acid being produced by my stomach, which is travelling back up my oesophagus causing the lining of my chest walls to scar, but hopefully the continual medication that I can now resume taking will control this, or at least keep the condition in check. The whole process has left me rather delicate and sore, and I feel so tired...too tired to actually sleep, but I feel that if I could nod off I'll be able to sleep for a week!

The letter from The Financial Ombudsman Service arrived as expected, and they sided with my old bank.They did however admit certain liabilities and compensation is to be awarded, but this is rather insignificant as it just gets eaten up by the exsisting debts.
I immediately contacted an independent debt relief agency, and they proved exceptionally helpful.
They advised me that the best course of action in my specific circumstances is to request an Independent Voluntery Arrangement (IVA), rather than go down the bankruptcy route.
All the appropriate information has been passed on and I'm currently awaiting my request for an IVA to be approved by my creditors, and if I'm successful then this becomes legally binding.
I will then repay a fixed sum of what I can realistically afford for the next five years, and this will only stay on my credit file for an additional year providing I maintain all payments throughout the term of the agreement.
In effect this is just like a personal loan, but my creditors are getting repaid only approximately a third of my outstanding debt. I'm not particularly proud of this course of action as previously I've always been very good concerning my financial commitments and obligations, but I honestly have little choice.

And finally, as previously indicated I had some hopes of a romantic nature, although I was understandably cautious. It's still early days but I think this caution is justifiable as what can I seriously offer a woman other than a kind heart and a good soul? I believe that money shouldn't matter more than love itself, but in reality this isn't really the case. I remain a humble man who is poor in life but rich in love...but that just isn't enough in the modern world.
I also tried to improve my circumstances by applying for a company position as a Research Analyst in Wellington, New Zealand. But I was overlooked for this vacancy, although I remain very doubtful whether I could have obtained the neccesary work visa anyway, due to my financial situation.
This also means that my New Zealand adventure planned for later this year may have to be reconsidered.
But on reflection I reckon with a bit of stringent budgeting I can still save enough to enjoy my friend's wedding celebrations, and have a great time in my spiritual home...Ange, I won't let you down! 
Despite the recent earthquake in Christchurch, where Ange is due to be married, I am determined to visit this wonderful country for a third time.


So for the forseeable future my home remains in Chichester, West Sussex whilst I try to live my life as best I can. I am shortly going to be visiting my good friend Jo Rolfe in Winchester, who I haven't seen for a few years despite constantly keeping in touch. I also hope to arrange another visit to enjoy a lunch with my great friend Elona in Theale, especially as she's proved so supportive in helping me with some forms connected to my refinancing.
Another trip to Cheltenham beckons too, as I hope to see Jimi, Denn and the boys again.
And hopefully, over the Easter Bank Holiday weekend I shall finally make good my promise to return to Ireland to catch up with my great friends Ruth, Glenn & 'Rose.

If any romantic developments happen then this may well result in a change of venue, but like I say my current circumstances don't exactly offer much hope.
Despite the support of my family and a close network of friends, I do have a sense of feeling awfully alone.
But my spirit remains upbeat despite all of these issues, and I intend to put a positive spin on events if possible. No matter what the future holds, I've been in worse situations in the past and I survived all of those to live and tell the tale...SO BRING IT ON!

Nomadic Steve

Valentine's Day Blog

"Love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation."


Just a short piece to wish all the other single people out there a Happy Valentines Day.
It can be quite sad sometimes on February 14th, when you see couples enjoying this special day...but don't lose hope and don't lose heart. Having said that you may be happy to be on your own, and it's far better to be alone than in a miserable relationship.
To all of you who are in a relationship, make sure you appreciate each other and spoil each other every chance you get!

As for me, a quick update since my previous blog on where I'm at after hitting the crossroads of my journey.

Technically speaking I remain single, but things are progressing nicely personally for me on a potential romantic level.
I'm slightly reserved in terms of not wanting to tempt fate too soon, as there are numerous obstacles standing in our way preventing love from running smoothly.
Fortunately, I have always been a very patient man, so I can wait...and I believe that she is worth waiting for, so time will tell I guess?
If things develop as I wish, then my long search and quest to find my spiritual home may finally be over!

Next Monday I'm attending St.Richards hospital for my long awaited gastroscopy and biopsy, and fingers crossed the examinations will finally provide some answers to my state of ill health.
On a positive note, since contracting this condition I've lost nearly a stone in weight and at least two inches around my waist...so the purchase of some new jeans and smart trousers is imminent!

Finally, the noose around my neck is tightening with regards to my old banking problem.
After nearly two years of wrangling my case has been passed from an adjudicator to an assessor at the Financial Ombudsman Service.
By the time my next blog comes around I'll finally have an answer as I've just been informed that a decision is in the post!
So all being well my love life, my health, and my wealth will all be resolved in the next few weeks.
I'll keep you all informed...watch this space!

Nomadic Steve

Waiting At The Crossroads

"If I could, through myself, set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away, see you break, break away
Into the light and to the day..." 
                                                     ~ U2


With the weekend fast approaching, I thought I'd publish next weeks blog a little early...although it is with a touch of sadness.
This will be my last for a while due to the fact that I've reached the crossroads on my journey to find a home, and unfortunately I cannot move forward until certain answers have been provided, to enable me to determine my future decisions.

My whole spiritual journey to find a home has stalled whilst awaiting the outcome of events which will shape the rest of my life.

Will my health be restored fully once I receive the appropriate examinations?
Or will any potential discoveries cause me to re-think my options?

Will my old bank finally accept responsibility for their actions?
And will they reach an acceptable agreement with me so that my financial situation will be sorted once and for all?
Or will they rule against me leaving me with no alternative other than attempting to find another solution through a debt relief agency for example?

Will romance blossom as I sincerely hope it will, and this will surely enable me to finally find a true 'home'?
This will almost certainly result in moving to another location, but that's not a problem if it brings true happiness for all concerned.

If the romance doesn't work out, then will this mean I chance my arm for a third time in New Zealand?
And if so, will this be a brief encounter or a more permanent adventure?

All of these questions will hopefully get answered imminently...but I won't be holding my breath!
Once I receive this knowledge I hope to be able to move on with my journey one way or another, and I shall be resuming my blog to keep you all informed.
In the meantime I'll remain non-judgemental and not take anything (or anyone) for granted, and just hope that 'Lady Luck' smiles on me in the not-too-distant future.

It seems extremely appropriate to conclude where I started with a reference from 'The Shawshank Redemption', in a similar vein to the ending of the film...

I feel like a free man at the start of a long journey, who's conclusion is uncertain.

I hope to find the beauty of New Zealand remains untouched, as I remember it.
I hope to find true happiness, and with it find love.
I hope to receive good health before new wealth, and remain rich in love.


I hope...

Nomadic Steve

Footnote: If anyone is interested, I've adapted all my blogs into a 'word' document which I've also edited into chronological order, so that it reads like a book. So if you've missed any and fancy a catch-up, just leave me your e-mail address & I can pass it on.

Taking A Moral Stance

"Money, we make it
'Fore we see it, you take it..." ~ Marvin Gaye

My spiritual journey to find a home has been hindered somewhat by the ongoing complaint that I registered with my old bank back in April 2009...yes, nearly two years ago and I'm still waiting for a resolution!
Part of the reason why I've kept moving during the past few years, is that due to my dispute with the bank my assets are frozen and therefore so is my credit (or lack of), meaning that I can no longer lease properties in my own name. So with thanks to some great friends and a few private landlords, I am in the position where I must house or flat share, until the matter is finally resolved...quite when that will be is anybody's guess. I decided that after the appalling service that I have received, I should take a moral stance and say that enough is enough - get these issues sorted, and then I'll think of reactivating my accounts.
In order for the full scale of my complaint to be understood, I have edited some of the 100 plus pages of correspondence so far produced to create a concise overview of what I'm up against...

I raised ten areas of concern in my initial letter of complaint to the Financial Ombudsman Service on 5th June 2009, yet there remains outstanding issues in all of these areas as detailed below, which Abbey have failed to address.

 

1. The initial lost cheque from HM Revenue & Customs.

Annette Johnson (Senior Customer Resolution Manager) acknowledged her colleague's failure to initially investigate the lost cheque in her response letter dated 29th May 2009, but then continues to state two cases of totally inaccurate information. She claims Abbey's telephone records show that I called them on the 26th March 2009, and that I was in the process of chasing up the Tax Office in relation to the lost cheque.

Both of these statements are untrue.

I had notified both the HM Revenue & Customs and Abbey in my letter dated 10th March 2009, which was posted from Queenstown, New Zealand, and until I visited my local Abbey branch in Reading on my return to the UK on 30th March 2009, this was the only communication I had been involved with regarding the lost cheque.

 

2. Failure to action direct debit instructions despite sufficient funds being available.

I have confirmed my intentions in my e-mail and letter to the Financial Ombudsman Service dated 8th October 2009 to make the neccesary required payments and maintain all of my financial commitments, but due to the incompetence shown by Abbey they were responsible for these insufficient funds being available. To date, I have failed to receive a satisfactory explaination as to why the initial direct debit instruction due on 5th March 2009 did not take place.

 

3. Discrepancies in the direct debit instructions and communication received.

In my letter dated 23rd April 2009 I asked a specific question concerning a discrepancy in what Abbey stated was due to be debited compared to what they actually deducted, and to date I haven't even received an acknowledgement of this issue, yet alone an explaination.

 

4. Frozen accounts whilst abroad despite prior notification.

Abbey have apologised for the inconvenience caused in relation to my cards being declined whilst abroad in New Zealand, but state that they had no prior notification of my travel plans. As stated in my letter dated 6th April 2009 Abbey attempted to sell me a 0% credit card specifically for my trip when I did notify them of my intended plans, and the Reading (Broad Street) branch must surely have a record of this as I was led to an upstairs private office to go through the application process for this additional card, which was ultimately declined.

 

5. Loss of access to my account for no apparant reason.

I informed Abbey in my letter dated 23rd April 2009 that I was still awaiting a replacement card for my main bank account, but to date this point has never been acknowledged or dealt with, and a replacement account card has never materialised.

 

6. No acknowledgement of how my credit is 'created'.

I notified Abbey and all of the other related parties in my letters dated 6th April 2009, 23rd April 2009, 30th April 2009, 12th May 2009, and 26th May 2009, that I had done some research into the way credit and loans are 'created' by the banks, and I challenged the authenticity of the whole process. In all of Abbey's, MBNA's, and Barclaycard's responses to date, this issue has never been acknowledged or answered.

 

7. Removal of overdraft facility without sufficient notice.

I queried in my letter dated 23rd April 2009 why I wasn't notified earlier about the expiry on my overdraft facility, and as yet Abbey have failed to respond or even acknowledge this question.

 

8. Post still being sent to an old address despite previous notification.

I brought to Abbey's attention in my letter dated 23rd April 2009 that I received a statement for a loan request which was originally sent to my old address. During December 2008 I visited the Abbey High Street branch in Cheltenham, and supplied them with all of the relevant details and account information for my impending move to Berkshire. The only reason I received this loan statement was due to the goodwill of Royal Mail, as the redirection instruction I had arranged had actually expired. Once again to date Abbey have failed to acknowledge this issue or provide an explaination.

 

9. Continual harassment with daily phone calls.

I stressed from the outset that I only wanted to receive communication in writing, and repeated this request in all of my letters to all of the respective parties. Why hasn't this request ever been respected?

 

10. Inconsistencies with stated deadlines to deal with my complaint.

Both MBNA and Barclaycard have sent out confusing and contradicting letters with regards to my complaint. They have both sent out letters stating that my complaint was under investigation with appropriate deadlines, only to send out additional letters prior to these deadlines claiming outstanding payments or threatening potential legal action. All of my queries to date have failed to gain acknowledgement or a response, and I am still receiving contradictory letters with regards to this issue.

 

 

In conclusion I would like to offer a further example of the incompetence, inconsistency, and maladministration shown by Abbey.

To understand this please note that all of my letters were originally sent to Abbey in Prescot Street, London without exception.

(This is the address shown on the bank statements for written communication.)

Yet I've still received numerous responses to these letters from Abbey Complaints in Milton Keynes. Therefore it is safe to presume that my letters were successfully passed onto them.

However, Annette Johnson's letter dated 29th May 2009 states:-

"...unfortunantely I do not have copies of the three letters you mention, nor am I able to retrieve them, as I am only able to access correspondence sent directly to this department..."

Seeing as Annette Johnson is based in Milton Keynes and she is answering my letter which was origianlly sent to London, I find this statement confusing and contradictory to say the least.

To say I am disappointed and disillusioned is a gross understatement.

 

So there you have it - I started out with a complaint to Abbey and it's taken so long they are now called Santander! Due to my state of 'limbo' my journey has reached a stage where until I receive some answers I'm unable to determine any decisions regarding my future.

Therefore my journey has now reached the crossroads...

 

Nomadic Steve

 

New Hopes & Dreams

"It is not the mountains that we conquer, but ourselves..." ~ Sir Edmund Hillary

This weeks blog is a little different, as the main content has been adapted and taken from the author's note from Paulo Coelhos' 'The Alchemist'.

I was feeling particularly disheartened recently due to four specific reasons:
1. Missing my intended trip to Ireland to catch up with my friends was hard to take.
2. The frustration at the lack of a full diagnosis of my poor health.
3. The ongoing and stressful situation with my dispute with my ex-bank (more to follow next week).
4. My continual journey to find my spiritual home had come to a fork in the road, and I was unsure which path to take in my persuit for genuine happiness.

Reading the thoughts in the author's notes offered me renewed optimism, and a sense of hope and inspiration, which I felt should be shared with everyone...

The success of 'The Alchemist' has led to many journalists asking Paulo Coelho what's the secret behind the story. His only response has always been that he honestly doesn't know, other than like Santiago the shepherd boy, we all need to be aware of our personal calling.
A personal calling is the path chosen for us here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend. However, we don't all have the courage to confront our own dreams and hopes.
This is due to four obstacles that confront us, which we ourselves sometimes put in our own way.

First, we are told from a young age that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible...but it's still there.

The second obstacle is love.
We know what we want to do, but are sometimes afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to persue our dream. We do not realise that love is just a further impetus, not something that will prevent us going forward, and that those who genuinely wish us well want us to be happy and are prepared to accompany us on that journey.

Fear of defeat is the third obstacle which we can meet on our path.
We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know that the Universe is conspiring in our favour, even though we may not understand how.
Whether we like it or not, defeats happen and setbacks are a part of life. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.
Once we overcome our defeats we are filled with a greater sense of euphoria and confidence. In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life, and we can start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure.

The final obstacle is the fear of actually realising our dream for which we have been fighting all our lives.
Oscar Wilde said, "Each man kills the thing he loves."
The possibility of getting what we want can fill the soul with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all of the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to sacrifice in order to get this far.
But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you understand why you had to persevere so much, and you appreciate why you are so deserving of attaining it.


After reading this once again I realised that all experiences in life teach us something.
I firmly believe that we all get what we deserve...eventually.
I also believe that good things happen to good people.
And finally, I believe in karma and what goes around, comes around.
Nomadic Steve

A State Of Mind Is A Contagious Thing

"it's always a struggle to let somebody go,
it's a natural desire to own your lover, I know,
and you can screw a man down until he takes to drinking,
he'll give you all of his money, you still won't know what he's thinking.

Take me to the fantastic place, keep the rest of my life away
Take me to the island..."  ~  Steve (h) Hogarth #1

The above words perfectly describes my life so far, as it sums up my previous inclination to find it difficult to let go and then move on, followed by a downward spiral to the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I have also been guilty of maybe being too generous to others with my money in the past, which has some bearing on my current financial predicament.
The 'fantastic place' and 'island' references are of course New Zealand, as I've always seen this as my immediate escape route to my troubles and to distance myself from all of the other issues in my life.

But I don't think being generous with money and helping out those in greater need should be looked upon as a weakness - no matter what my future holds, I know I've helped out quite a few people over the years to turn their lives around, even if sometimes it's been to my own personal disadvantage.
Very recently I gave what I could to someone in special need, and I know that this was greatly appreciated and the feeling of being able to give far outweighs the joy of receiving. In return I was lucky to be the recipent of a sweet smile and a huge hug...now that's priceless!

"a state of mind is a contagious thing,
spread it around - you never know what the future brings..."  ~  Steve (h) Hogarth #2

Despite all the setbacks, trials and tribulations, it is important to retain a positive state of mind.
Wallowing in self-pity isn't particularly pleasant for anyone, and feeling sorry for yourself doesn't endear yourself to your friends or loved ones.
So the realisation has to be that setbacks are a part of life, and to put it all down to experience.
Keep your chin up and get on with life.
If you can retain your positive spirit in these trying times and keep a smile on your face, then you can spread this good feeling around...after all laughing is a contagious quality too.

Taking this positive attitude into consideration means that I won't let my current illness deter me from my mission to find my spiritual home.
I have recently started taking my third different type of medication for the potential Barratts Oesophagus condition that I've contracted, and this has brought on a third different form of side effects.
However, I am determined to stay strong and not let this situation get me down - so bring on the gastroscopy at the hospital, and let's get this sorted asap!
In fact, I think this current situation has enabled me to focus on the 'now' and living in the moment, and to make the most of whatever opportunities come my way in my persuit to find my spiritual home.
Despite trying to put on a brave face and remain positive, I've had to postpone my Irish trip due this weekend regrettably.
I feel very disappointed to miss out on catching up with my great friends in Ireland, but I shall return again soon, once I feel healthy enough to make the journey. I'll be open to much ridicule when I do eventually visit, as I'll be sticking to the orange juice and leaving the guinness alone. Having said that, there's plenty of lovely coffee shops around especially in Carlow, and I'll look forward to the special hazlenut brand of coffee in Glenn & Ruth's kitchen, so I'll be fine and it'll be grand.

Instead, I'll be hoping to enjoy a very peaceful long weekend, recharging my batteries and rebuilding my strength, as although mentally strong, physically I still feel pretty weak - despite maintaining my daily regime of walking a minimum of five miles and completing 75 push-ups!

I'll leave you with the wise old words from the Cornish comic, Jethro:
"Live each day as if it's your last...because one day you will be right!"

Nomadic Steve

Hope Springs Eternal

"have you ever felt so lost, but didn't know until you were found..." ~ Alicia Keys

A slightly belated Happy New Year to you all!


My opening weekly blog of 2011 starts with a look to the future.
Whilst attempting to live in the 'now', I can't help but cast an eye to the horizon with an air of optimisim as a new year brings new hope and new dreams.
Hopefully, an Irish trip will still happen, another New Zealand adventure will soon come into focus, and as for my personal circumstances...well, I remain a hopeless romantic!

I always thought that the word 'barretts' would be associated with a new home, which would link in nicely with my blog, but little did I know that I'd discover an entirely different meaning of that word. As you may recall at the end of last year, my priority was to sort out my health. I like to think some progress has been made, but tests so far administered haven't proved 100% conslusive, and it seems very likely that I have a condition know as Barrett's Oesophagus.
This requires constant medication and watching what I eat and drink, but taking meds for life at the expense of alcohol is a small price to pay if it enables me to continue my journey to find my spiritual home. The meds act as a proton inhibitor, which reduces the amount of acid that the stomach creates. It means that I have to take it easy for a while, and not work or play too hard, and depending how I get along with the third course of medication, it may also mean that I will have to sacrifice my impending trip to Ireland. This will be very sad if this is the case, but I know my friends will understand and they know that it's only a postponement, and not a cancellation.


Barrett's oesophagus can be a pre-cancerous condition of the lining of the oesophagus, the muscular tube that carries foods, liquids and saliva from the mouth to the stomach.
Barrett's oesophagus is caused by the long-term exposure of the oesophagus to acid reflux, a medical condition also known as GORD ( gastro oesophageal reflux disease).
When stomach acids back up into the oesophagus, the lining of the oesophagus can become injured. In some cases, the oesophageal lining may develop into a different kind of tissue which resembles the lining of the intestine. This change is Barrett's oesophagus.

I am now awaiting a final appointment at the hospital for a Gastroscopy, where they can effectively put a camera down my throat all the way down to my stomach to determine categorically what the diagnosis is...what fun!

Now, all of these details may seem inappropriate to the normal context of my blog, but there is an appropriate reason for mentioning them.
Purely by chance and coincidence all of these health issues have actually brought a change to my personal life, in that a very special person has returned into my life. 
Although my optimism may be a little misplaced, I don't want to get carried away just yet, but this lady understands what I'm going through as she's fully aware of the medical condition, and I've been tapping her up constantly to get all of her knowledge on the issue.
As a result I have recently spent some quality time in her presence and in the company of her two gorgeous daughters, and it's priceless to have the ability to make someone special in your life smile. Making two lovely little girls laugh as you struggle to compete with them on Wii, is worth it's weight in gold...I may be poor in life and currently in health, but I'm rich in love.

Over the course of the coming months I hope that these matters of the heart continue to progress, and I shall no longer possess a restless soul in my persuit of my spiritual home... Watch this space!

Nomadic Steve.